I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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