using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
