Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I enjoy the company of your penis
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
