Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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