FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
