i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
