i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
