did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
