Yo dont text me then not text me
Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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