Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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