She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
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