I cannot find my penis.
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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