There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
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