I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
