porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
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