he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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