you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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