Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
