Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
