I'm eating all of the evidence.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
