Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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