I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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