I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
