You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
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