I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
