I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
