Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Randomize
