i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Mom said you looked used
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
