I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Randomize
