I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
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