No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Girls should come with a carfax report
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Shame - the story of my life.
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