carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
They are going to name an STD after you.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
