you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Randomize
