she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
