party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
Please, let me fuck your mom
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
