And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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