i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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