Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Randomize
