haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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