brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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