I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
