It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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