hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
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