Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
