Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize
