At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
