Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
