I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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