cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
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