Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Are we in a gay sports bar?
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Randomize
