You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
