Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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