i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Randomize
