Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
