how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I got her a Nickelback box set.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
