I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
We left an ass print on the piano.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
